Bubbles

I'm still going on my philosophical binge. Not that anyone much cares, but that's perfectly alright with me, I rather enjoy this!
The older I get, the more I feel that I have lived in a nearly impenatrable bubble, and that now, that bubble is ready to burst. There are so many pressures on that puny little bubble: music, school, friends, surviving in the real world without my parents. Having lived in this bubble all my life, seeing these near intrusions is a step beyond terrifying. Sometimes, I yearn to reach out and pop the bubble from the inside, but then, a face is twisted hideously by the beautiful dome of my home, and I strink away again, prepared to sit in my bubble for a while longer.
In a way, this always saddens me. From the right angle, I am able to see the beauty and wonder of life outside the bubble, but when a pressure blows against my bubble, the world shifts, and everything is distorted once more, leaving me uncertain that the beauty I had seen just moments before truly exists.
Now, the bubble is floating higher, up into a clear blue sky, leaving me reaching for the ground. I see so many things sliding by as others emerge from their bubbles. But fear easily keeps me inside mine as the higher I go, the farther the distance I may fall. The fear always seems to precede my actions, the fear that I will fall and be unable to get up after falling from such a great height. If I wait much longer, I may never be allowed to leave this home that could so easily become a prison or a death-trap, but even as I tell myself this repeatedly, I continue to shrink away.
I watch the others as they break free of these beautiful, floating homes; I see their joy as they meet the world below, and see that I truly haven't anything to fear. But I continue to worry. What if I am not strong enough? In my bubble, I barely have room to stretch now, my limbs are weak- what if I'm not even strong enough to burst the bubble? And if I do, then what then? Will just as wonderful a life be waiting for me down on the ground as I have seen through these gossamer walls?
For the time being, the choice is mine, whether to emerge or withdraw into the shadows. Very soon, however, the choice will be forever outside of my control, and I'll be at the mercy of all the pressures on my life, hoping that they will leave my delicate little bubble free to float its way and not burst through the walls I must believe are safe and that they wil not send me free-falling down to what could be death or joy.

The River

Well, I've come to doubt anyone will read this, but that's alright. Sometimes, you just write for yourself, and not for anyone else. And if you happen to have an audience, that's alright too, because you give them the chance to understand a small piece of you for a time.
And really, that's all life is (sorry to my pinprick audience that has to listen to my sudden philosophical urges). You see a person in the hallway, and you smile. You laugh with your friends, hug your family, sob over your latest catastrophe, and all the while, life keeps going by at the speed of light.
There's nothing we can do about it; like a tireless river, life continues to cascade by, sweeping along everything caught within its billowing currents. Sometimes, it's all we can do just to keep afloat, and others, we feel as though we are safely kept dry in a boat. But the river will always flow onwards. That, in and of itself is reassuring. Life will go on. No matter how much it hurts, you have to go on. There will be moments that are both better and worse than what you're going through at that point in time. It's alright.
The river is also one of the greatest paradoxes ever known. Though it's reassuring that life will go on, it is moving very, VERY, fast, and sometimes, it's going on too fast for us to enjoy it. So, life will go on, but we must inversely live now, not in the distant future, or in a past we wish we could change. Because sometimes, we don't smile at someone in the hallway, we don't laugh with our friends, we don't hug our families, and we always keep our tears for later, and that's wasteful of the precious time slipping by. "Life isn't about waiting out the storm, but about dancing in the rain."
So, what's your excuse? They might reject my work or opinions, I'm too busy, I'll do it later, or something else? No matter the excuse, it doesn't matter. In life, what you don't do usually won't amount to anything, but what you decide to do can have an impact that lasts for centuries. Even if you don't become a fabulous celebrity, what do you have to loose? Nothing tried, nothing gained. And human beings are selfish by nature, so it's to our advantages to live our lives to their fullest.
Yet, so often, we let this slip us by, not realizing that we have the greatest gift we'll ever recieve in the palm of our hand. Instead, we squander it, not seeing how it shrinks and shrinks until it can no longer be seen. And then it's gone. Wasted. Useless. Nothing accomplished, nothing worth celebrating.
It's fragile, but vibrant, vivid. Life is like a river, but it's also like the most beautiful flower, or the flight of a butterfly. It's so easily destroyed or gone unnoticed, colorless, tasteless, and seemingly undetectable, when really, it acts as a mirror as you observe other lives showing what yours could be if you only choose to accept this brilliant gift.
So, live life as best you know how, without regrets for what you did or didn't do, instead, moving forward with a bright hope for the future.

When all else fails. . .

*inspired by Mrs Anderson and her starter assignments

1. Read the directions
2. Try again
3. Read the directions again
4. Try again again
5. Read the directions again again
6. Try again again again
7. Make a paper airplane
8. Chase down the instructions
9. Save instructions from neighbor's dog
10.Make a salad
11. Feed salad to neighbor's dog
12. Sincerely repent
13. Do the chicken dance
14. Stuff the turkey
15. Become a human pretzel
16. Stuff pretzel into turkey
17. Smash computer with hammer
18. Smash calculator (various ways, none good enough)
19. Breathe
20. Yell
21. Scream until your ears pop
22. Find a tissue
22. Press the power button
22. Rewind
23. Become a ninja
24. Meditate on life's deepest mysteries
25. Sleep
26. Learn the ancient art of origami
27. Learn what origami is
28. Cover it in saran wrap
29. Don't worry, be happy!
30. Do the monster mash
31.Use the square root of a hippopatomi to decrease the total mass of a pelican while holding onto a containerless bucket of water
32. Create the SSSSS (Super Secret Super Spy Society)
33. Find your mail (male, if you prefer)
33. Let it slip
34. Restring your toilet
35. Find your meatball
36. Finger paint!!!!!!
37. Read the sign above
38. Use your head, I assure you that you do have one
39. Declare your dislike of spam
40. Walk like a teletubbie/penguin
41. Just keep swimming
42. Make a space
43. Play ping pong
44. Slam it. Whatever 'it' is
45. Hold it upside down. Shake it.
46. Ride your spoon to school
47. Push the big red button that says 'do not press'
48. Proclaim it to the world
49. Hide
50. Wear your pants on your head and run around in a circle while flapping your arms and shouting 'I believe I can fly. I think I can, I think I can!!!!' and jumping periodically

If you are still failing, it is because you have unsuccessfully done each item on this list. Try again.
If you are still failing, it is because you have wasted a half hour reading this meaningless list while your brain has been slowly melting to mush. It feels good I know, but try to get it jello-like again soon.
Hoping to see you in a sane state!

♥/ Soiltoes